My very first hamster
Was a hamster called Jeff
And he liked to run around outside
Then Dave came over
With a Fly-Mo hover
And he took little Jeff for a ride

Jeff had a blast
He'd never gone so fast
It was the most fun he'd had since he was born
But when he fell in
It spread him rather thin
and now he's helping fertilise the lawn

*START CHORUS*

With all the hamsters in Heaven
Hamsters in Heaven
It used to be fun
Just to watch them run
But now my hamsters don't move no more

*END CHORUS*

My next little hamsters
Were a lovely little pair
Of hamsters called John and Fry
But John was a June
And before too soon
They had started to multiply

But they all looked the same
So we ran out of names
And decided we would sell them round the town
But June ate all the babies
And then Fry got rabies
And we had to have them all put down

-- CHORUS --

My next little hamster
Was a sweet little guy
Who went by the name of Jim
But one day he died
While I was outside
And my parents quickly replaced him

But when I came in
I knew it wasn't Jim
But a body-snatching parasitic being!
So I smashed it many times
Shouting "Die beast, Die!"
And my parents put me into therapy

-- CHORUS --

I've had loads of little hamsters
Since my childhood days
There must have been a hundred or more
And however I tried
Every one of 'em died
Just like those who'd gone before

I sometimes think about
How each of 'em went out
And where their tiny souls would be right now
With the fuzzy bodies dying
All their little souls flying
Up to play around in heaven in the clouds

But one night I was lying
Fast asleep in bed
When the empty hollow cage began to squeal
All the hamsters from the tomb
Rose against me in my room
And explained to me exactly how they feel

With hamsters' every whim
They tore me limb from limb
Then they set my house on fire and watched me burn
For every single soul
I paid out the heavy toll
And for every pound of flesh a lesson learned

From the hamsters in Hades!
Hamsters in hell!
I never really cried
When the little buggers died
But they'll make me cry forever down here

No I never cried
When my hamsters died
But now for each I shed a painful tear

Aww.

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