It seems that superheroes
Are everywhere these days
They're spread around
In every town
But only in the US of A

Until a mild mannered fishmonger
Said he'd make a righteous stand
He'd somehow excel
And give the bad guys hell
When he became a super man

He spent his savings on a trip to space
To catch some cosmic rays
And emptied the last
Of his overdraft
To be trained in some mysterious ways

He got a job at a science lab
For some vats in which he could fall
He even joined a cult
But the end result
Was that it just did bugger all

Next time you need a hero, you know who not to call
This man, that man anyman but Captain Bugger All

He has no powers to call as such
And he's hardly ever on time
But he's got a nice car
And for an extra charge
He'll bring a pizza to the scene of the crime

Well he fancies the girl from the takeaway
But she ain't no Lois Lane
And his frequent trips
For a bag of chips
Have contributed ot his recent weight gain

Next time you need a hero, you know who not to call
Pac Man, Slack Man, any man but Captain Bugger All

The Captain has worn contacts
Since the day that he was born
So when go goes
Into to his super clothes
He has to put a pair of spectacles on

He wanted to join the JLA
But he lives in Milton Keynes
And when he saw the route
For the daily commute
He said he'd rather work locally

Next time you need a hero, you know who not to call
Bat Man, Pratt Man, any man but Captain Bugger All

He married that girl from the takeaway
And they had a baby son
And his fathers wish
Instead of selling fish
Was for his superhero line to go on
He microwaved the milk they used
To irratiate his lad
But day by day
To his parents dismay
He was simply taking after his dad

Next time you need a hero, you know who not to call
Hellboy, Smellboy, any boy but Junior Bugger All

Now the Captain has released a line
Of plastic action toys
And the sidekick you see
Sold Seperately
Is called not much either boy

Now father and son stand side by side
And they're fighting as a team
They're not as quick as before
But they can offer more
Because they also sell a range of ice creams

So next time you're at al Filk Con And something goes awry
You can call on Little Dragon Chris, or Pete the Hamster Guy
Enlist the help of the Super Cats, or anyone at all
But don't call not much either boy, or captain bugger all

Well the story is not over there
There's still one epilogue
Unlike his toy
That sidekick boy
Wouldn't always be the average sprog

It came about at puberty
That the mixture of his parents genes
With those gamma rays
Affected him in ways
That the Captain had never foreseen

So on the day when Not Much Either Boy became sixteen
He was the greatest pizza delivery boy that the world had ever seen!
He was the greatest pizza delivery boy that the world had ever seen!

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